High Anxiety

Bo (woof) In Commentary:

I’ve been feeling somewhat anxious lately and decided to do a little research to help alleviate my stress. I was extremely happy when I ran across this article titled “Got Stress? Pet Consultant Dogs Do.” Imagine my disappointment when I realized the talk was given to allow a dog park to be built near a little league baseball field in Maine and not just to focus on canine well being. But still, there are some interesting tidbits for you to ponder.

BELFAST, Maine - Just like their human owners, dogs suffer from stress.

“The big reason for stress in dogs is our inability to understand what they are saying,” Don Hanson told about 50 pet owners gathered at the Abbott Room of the Belfast Free Library on Saturday.

As I like to say to my father, “What part of woof! don’t you understand?” Apparently, all of it.

Hanson, a dog behavior consultant, pet trainer and owner of Green Acres Kennel Shop in Bangor, was invited to discuss dog behavior by the dog park subcommittee of the Friends of Belfast Parks.

Hanson told the dog lovers that close observation is required to detect signs of stress in their pets.

Identifying behavioral signals given by dogs during group play could have a role in the success of the dog park.

A few behavioral signals and their meaning:

Lifting of back leg while tilting forward - “If you don’t get out of the way, you will be my property”

Laying with belly exposed - “Good touch, no bad touch”

Flashing teeth - “Check out how well my Crest Whitestrips are working”

Direct eye contact while growling - “Are you available for dinner?”

Sitting while pawing the air - “I’d like a taste of your ice cream cone”

A pug with a gun - “Your candy or your life”

Construction of the park is on hold while committee members and the Belfast Little League iron out some problems. The fenced park will be built next to the baseball field, and league organizers are concerned about safety and smells.

I understand the concern, boys can be rather smelly.

Committee member Carol Good said that the group has raised $39,000 for the park and that the fence and other materials had already been purchased. Good thanked those who supported the project and said additional funds were needed to complete the first phase of construction.

Hanson said the biggest problem when dogs are stressed is aggression. He said some dogs can cope with stress well while others handle it poorly. He said pet owners had to learn how to recognize the “calming signals” dogs revert to when they are stressed out and owners should attempt to remove the dog from that particular situation.

Who doesn’t get stressed out after going 0 for 4 with 3 strikeouts? The only way I get over an outing like that is a stop by the local Bruster’s for a hot fudge sundae. Without the hot fudge…because that can kill me.

“Your dog has a part of the brain for rational thought and learning. When your dog is really stressed, the operating system for learning is turned off,” he said. “Stress can become chronic, and when it becomes chronic, it becomes an issue.”

Excessive sniffing, yawning, averting its eyes, licking its nose, squinting and scratching are among the most easily recognized calming signals, he said.

Based upon the amount of time I lick my privates, I must be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

“Humans are really ignorant of the needs and ways of communicating with dogs. We expect a dog to come into our house and understand English,” Hanson said.

C’mon, humans should know by now that we only speak Latin.

(For all your dog bloggin needs go to ...www.boknowsonline.com)

Canine MENSA: Dog IQ Test

Bo (woof) In Commentary:

Why are our owners so obsessed with finding out how intelligent we are? All they need to know is that we got it going on upstairs. How else to explain us living in their homes, eating their food and having them pick up our feces? And all of that without us paying them a dime.

In the interest of giving my parents some bragging rights, I decided to take this Canine IQ test. Let’s go question by question and see how I fared.

Test 1: Food under can

This is a test of your dog’s problem solving ability.
How to do the test

1. First sit the dog, if it won’t stay you’ll need someone to hold the dog by the collar.
2. Show the dog the tidbit of food and let it sniff it.
3. With the dog’s full attention, slowly place the tidbit on the ground about two meters away and place the can over the tidbit.
4. Start timing and encourage the dog to get the food.

Scoring: If the dog knocks the can over and gets the tidbit in 5 seconds or less 5 points; 5 to 15 seconds 4 points;15 to 30 seconds 3 points; 30 to 60 seconds 2 points; [over 60 seconds and it’s still looking for the treat? Then we’ll give the dog a point for being able to breath on its own]

No need for a stop watch on this one. I’ll sit and wait until my owner picks up the can and gives me the treat underneath it. No energy exerted, maximum treat scored = genius but the scoring on this test will give me:

+0 points for being lazy

Test 2: Dog under towel

This is another measure of your dog’s problem solving ability.
How to do the test

1. Your dog should be awake and reasonably active
2. Let the dog sniff the towel
3. With a quick smooth motion throw the towel over the dogs head so its head and shoulders are completely covered (you may want to practice this without the dog first). Start timing and watch silently.

Scoring: If the dog frees itself in 5 seconds or less 5 points; 5 to 15 seconds 4 points;15 to 30 seconds 3 points; 30 to 60 seconds 2 points

I think the test results on this one are hinged on ‘your dog should be…reasonably active’. At my age, if someone throws a towel on me it’s because I’ve wet myself not because my teacher sprung a surprise quiz on me. I’ll gracefully bow out of this question. That way I don’t have to worry about someone throwing a towel at me and ‘turning out the lights’ as I’m walking toward a stairwell. Canine IQ score for this question:

+0 points for being safety conscious

Test 3: Can your dog recognize a smile?

This is a test of social learning.

How to do the test

1. Pick a time your dog is sitting about 2 meters away from you
2. The dog must not have been told to stay or sit
3. Stare intently into your dogs face, when your dog looks at you, count silently to 3 and then smile broadly

Scoring: If your dog comes with tail waging 5 points; If your dog comes slowly or only part of the way with no tail waging 4 points; If your dog stands or rises to a sitting position but does not move toward you 3 points; If your dog moves away from you 2 points; If your dog pays no attention 1 point

Why should I start wagging my tail if I see my owner smile? The only reason I can think of is if he’s got spinach or pesto between his teeth that he’s going to let me pick clean.

A more appropriate test would be to see if, after a dog farts, his owner’s facial expression changes. If Rover wags his tail in less than 10 seconds, not only is he capable of social learning but he’s also the proud owner/operator of a highly efficient fart power plant. Resulting Canine IQ score:

+0 points for being emotionless

Test 4: Retrieving from under a barrier

(con't @ http://boknowsonline.com/2008/04/25/canine-mensa/)

How To Give A Cat A Pill

Bo (woof) In Commentary:
Here’s another reason why dogs are better than cats. Just look at how difficult it is to medicate the felines.

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right fore-finger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill In right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, Drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill.Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the Emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers

Bo (woof) In Commentary:

If you dropped off your owner at spring break, would you have difficulty picking him out when he returned? Of course not. So how can an owner not know his own canine when he returns from a week of fried seafood and fried skin? I don’t know but here’s the story.

LAKE OSWEGO, Ore. - Ken Griggs likes his new dog, but he preferred the old one. Then again, it might be the same dog. In a possible case of mistaken identity, Griggs said the black Labrador named Callie that he left at a Dundee kennel before spring break was not the same dog he picked up a week later.

“It’s a sweet dog,” Griggs said of the impostor living at his Lake Oswego house. “It’s tough because now we’ve had the dog for 10-plus days, and the kids, especially the younger ones, start to get attached to the dog. I like it, but I want mine.”

He suspects it’s an imposter but doesn’t know for sure. Maybe Callie just had an attitude change brought on by being abandoned at a kennel with 40 other dogs, or maybe her body was taken over by alien pods?

Allison Best, owner of the Tail Wag-Inn boarding kennel, said Griggs has the right dog.

Griggs said he immediately noticed differences in the dog he picked up from the kennel. The family cat - normally friends with Callie - hissed at the dog. Callie would heel; this dog did not.

Of course Callie refused to heel, she was now a hardened canine. Off the record she let her true feelings be known. “Frankly I was disappointed with my family. Upon their return, this is what I got,” she said as she held up a collar. On it, it proclaimed, My Parents Went To Aruba and All I Got Was This Lousy Collar.

“Heel? Not a chance.”

Griggs returned the dog to the kennel and Best examined whether Callie might have gotten mixed-up with any of the other black Labradors staying there that week.

Owners of the seven other black Labs all said they had the right dog.

However, the owner of Dixie, a dog Callie shared a kennel with, said her dog had undergone a “personality change,” Best said. But after three or four conversations that day, the owner maintained she had the right dog.

So Dixie shared a cage with Callie, Dixie’s owner noticed a personality change and the local kennel called saying that Callie’s owners are experiencing the same thing. Sounds like an open and shut case.

Still, Best arranged for the owners and their dogs to meet March 31 for a possible exchange. The woman called saying she was late, Best said.

Meanwhile, Griggs had arrived with his family. A black Lab got excited when the Griggses approached, the kids declared it was Callie, and into the car the dog went.

It was the same dog the Griggs had just returned.

Open and shut until humans come into the picture. Apparently the facts..

(Read the rest @ http://boknowsonline.com/2008/04/21/invasion-of-the-body-snatchers/)

Doggie Wanna Go For A Ride..Can He Open The Door?

Bo (woof) In Commentary:

For all you old timers out there, do you remember how excited you used to get when it was time for a car ride? Check out this pup as he gets the question, “Wanna go for a ride? ”

Note the sounds of a jealous, car door opening challenged cat in the background....

http://boknowsonline.com/2008/04/18/wanna-go-for-a-ride/

Insurance Claims

It appears what ails the human healthcare/insurance business is spreading to the pet side of the house as well.

Some vets are carrying out costly, non-essential procedures, which could be leading to increased premiums for pet owners, a leading insurer has said.

The increasing cost of claims means insurers have had to increase premiums.

Just under a quarter of all cat and dog owners hold an insurance plan in case their pets need treatment - and that figure is growing.

Wow…I’m surprised that the number of pets covered is that high. I know my parents recently tried to get insurance for me but thought it wasn’t cost effective. Apparently the average insurance premium for a dog over 16 years of age is somewhere between five and six thousand dollars per month. Based on my recent history, that’s actually not out of line.

Figures from Petplan, the biggest provider of pet insurance in the UK, show the average claim per condition has nearly doubled in five years to £715 for a dog and £501 for a cat.

Wendy Dean, from Warwickshire, said she was horrified when she was told that the insurance premiums for Jo-Jo and Robyn, her two five-year-old cocker spaniels, had risen by 58% and 68%.

You know what else has doubled over the past five years? My prostate.

“What we see is a tendency to select more expensive and elegant forms of diagnosis over something more pragmatic,” said Mr Price.
“If MRI is not clinically indicated as the necessary means of diagnosis when an x-ray would have been perfectly sufficient, we do tend to question why on earth that diagnostic technique was chosen.”

Although I suspect Mr. Price wouldn’t hold that view it if it was his health in question.

Nick Blaynay, president of the British Veterinary Association, agreed that it was becoming more expensive to insure a pet but said rising costs were for a number of reasons.

One was that there were now “extremely expensive techniques” available to vets.

Extremely expensive techniques like full body scans, complete blood analysis and expressing fully loaded anal glands.

However, he strongly denied vets were doing anything inappropriate.

“The vet should always put the welfare of the animal before any other consideration. If he doesn’t, shame on him.”

You know what’s really shameful? Taking an elderly dog’s temperature by sticking a thermometer up his ass.

Stick Insects And Stones May Break My Bones

Bo (woof) In Commentary:

Forward this article on to your owners so they will understand how lucky they are to own you. It’s about a new pet that isn’t the least bit threatening to our relationship with the hand that feeds us.

THERE is something more bizarre than keeping a stick insect as a pet. Naming it “The Cardinal.”

Laurie Hayes had never seen a stick insect before he found “The Cardinal” in the front yard of his Narellan home last Monday.

He named it “The Cardinal”? Why not something like, uh, ‘Stick’. As in: “Hey Stick, did you see that wooden match on FireTV last night?”, “Stick, you dog. I see you checking out the knot holes on that tree.”, “Is that a twig in your pants or are you just happy to see me, Stick?”.

“I was cutting roses for my wife and I thought my rose bush was dying,” he said.

“I saw some magpies in the jacaranda eyeing him…so I cut the branch off the rose bush and kept him in a baby’s bath.”

I have no idea what he just said.

He then transferred the 30-centimetre-long insect to his aviary in the backyard, where it shares a dirt floor and lush plants with a few birds and some fish. Mr Hayes said The Cardinal was”more than happy” in its new environment.

I know, that’s not different than where a lot of us spend time. At least Stick has the company of birds and fish in his sanctuary. I’m sure he’s as happy as we are when we’re in our crates.

Mr Hayes said he was a bit unsure about the stick insect at first. “I was a bit wary but now he seems most contented,” he said. “He’s a friendly little fella.”

Honestly how do they know? Does the Cardinal show it by purring like a kitten, cooing like a dove or chewing cud like a cow?

Mr Fellenberg will hold a meeting on endangered stick insects on April 19. Details: 0419696691

And I’ll be holding a meeting on endangered canine treats the same day. Please join me at 1-800-Bo-Treat.

(All your doggie news needs at www.boknowsonline.com, a blog by a dog for all dogs)

Cookie Einstein...this dog is amazing!

Bo (woof) In Talented Dogs:

Some think this dog is amazing . Me, I’m not surprised......http://boknowsonline.com/2008/04/11/numbers-game/

Why Buy The Goat When...

Bo (woof) In Commentary:

I’ve heard of May-December romances, speed dating and even online dating hookups but interspecies dating is something I just can’t get my paws wrapped around. Let me know how you feel about this disturbing story about a distant cousin of mine.

A Chinese zoo says a wolf and a goat have become unlikely sweethearts after sharing a cage together.

Keepers at the zoo, in White Tower Park, Nanchong city, says the pair have become inseparable.

“If the goat is gone for a bit, the wolf will howl and run frantically around the cage until she comes back,” said keeper, Mr Xu.

Clearly a jealous wolf, he forbids her to talk with the giraffes, rhinos and most importanly the dingo’s in the neighborhood.

Prey and predator only started dating by accident a month ago, Xu told the West China City News.

“Early one morning I opened the goat’s fence to let her out to eat, and unexpectedly the wolf came out, because we hadn’t locked his cage securely,” he said.

“The wolf ran straight to the goat’s fence, and started howling when it smelled the goat.

“Hey, how you doin?” the wolf asked the goat as he eyed her from hoof to head. Never having been hit on, the goat didn’t know what to do so it just stood there, frozen.

Xu says he had to protect the goat until other employees came to help separate the animals.

Against the best advice from zookeepers and her parents to steer clear of the wolf, the goat started to open up to her suitor.

“…for the next several nights the two started getting to know each other better, and even exchanged howls and baas. You could tell they were flirting,” says Xu.

Five days later Xu and his colleagues came to a decision: “We thought, since they so much wanted to, why not put them together? It’s really rare for a wolf and a goat to be so close.”

The zoo says that since being put together, the wolf and the goat have done everything together - except share meals. The wolf sticks to his meat while the goat enjoys a vegetable diet.

That’s wolfie for you, cheap as a cat.

Although the goat is hopeful of a proposal soon, sources close to the wolf say that an engagement is not in the works. They stated “Why buy the goat when you get milk and cheese for free, and it throws in a weekly lawn mowing to boot?”

(www.boknowsonline.com, A blog by a dog for all dogs)

Nuts!

Bo (woof) In Commentary:

I wish I had parents that looked out for my well being like this lucky guy from the land down under.

No one is going to call Cooktown bull-terrier cross Apollo a sissy.

The macho mutt is the proud owner of a set of silicone testicles that, after desexing, have allowed him to keep at least the appearance of his manhood.

My manhood was taken from me at a very young age as well, but no one has offered up a new set for me to sport around.

Apollo’s owner Sarah Martin parted with $270 to order the implants over the internet from the US.

And when the two-year-old was desexed, Cooktown visiting vet Rod Gilbert popped in the “Neuticals” ensuring the pup remains all-boy on the outside. Ms Martin insisted the solid silicone implants made little difference to Apollo.

I beg to differ. My self esteem went down the tubes after the procedure and it took years of counseling and bottles of prozac to get me back to the canine I am today.

“It was nothing to do with the dog, or if he’d miss them,” Ms Martin told The Cairns Post.

“I don’t think he knows the difference. It was just that I don’t like the look of it.”

There’s a woman who knows what she likes.

But Ms Martin said the replacement testicles were about half the size of his original, real ones.

Which disappointed her because this is a woman who really knows what she likes.

But Apollo, who loves to watch TV and cuddle with his 23-year-old owner, may be a trendsetter on his home patch.

Turns out he’s the only one in his area to have fake balls.

Let’s just hope he doesn’t get addicted to cosmetic surgery like getting liposuction, breast implants or heaven forbid a pug nose job.

A Blog By A Dog For All Dogs: www.boknowsonline.com